Father's Day! The Mother's Guide to Buying Whisky

Wondering what gift to give the man of the house on Father’s Day? Newsflash: Dad doesn’t want another tie. Or some kind of paperweight for his cubicle. Or a coffee mug. Trust us when we say there are the two, certain-to-please gifts to give. If he doesn’t drink, then get his car detailed for him. For all the rest, get him a nice bottle of whisky.

Here at Proof66, we’re set up to try and make the whisky purchase decision a little easier. But even an aggregate scoring system, obsessive notes, and cheeky categories don’t always help the baffled wife presented with over 440 different selections from which to choose. Scotch? Bourbon? Some other whisky? Where do I start? Are these even available at my hometown liquor store?

These problems came to mind when the folks at Crown Royal provided us with a bottle of their new Extra Rare (XR)  to sample and review. Crown Royal has a few different things going for it right out of the gate that make it highly eligible for worried-wife selection:

1)      It is a highly recognizable and respected name—it can sit on the shelf with pride;

2)      It is widely available—so you can be confident in being able to find it; and

3)      It is extremely accessible—you don’t need a highly trained or experienced palate to enjoy it.

All these points are important but that last is crucial. Mrs. Smith can—with the very best intentions—use our website and go out to purchase a bottle of Laphroaig Single Malt Cask Strength scotch, which is a very highly acclaimed whisky. However, there’s peat smoke boiling out the top of these things that can clear a room of the uninitiated who might be wondering why the smoke alarm didn’t go off. She might end up with an equally highly acclaimed George T Stagg Cask Strength Kentucky Straight Bourbon, one of the most decorated bourbons around. It also comes in at such manly alcohol proofs and “oakiness” from the aging, that it can leave anyone without years of experience in sipping 90 and 100 proof training bourbons gagging for oxygen and wondering if their end is nigh. Either of these as gifts to Mr. Smith might end up sitting in the cabinet untouched for years. Bummer.

Don’t get us wrong: we love both of those spirits and they’re particularly awesome gifts—but we wouldn’t give them to just anyone. It takes something of a pro to appreciate. Otherwise, it’d be like giving the vintage, autographed captain’s chair signed by William Shatner himself to someone whose only exposure to Star Trek is a passing insult uttered in the general direction of a comic book convention attendees in costume: a waste.

One wants the father in question to sincerely enjoy the whisky and Crown is accessible. Lots of Canadian whisky is accessible (nerd alert: this is because Canadian whisky is allowed a certain percentage of additives that smooth out and sweeten the flavor profile—Canadians long ago decided whisky on its own could use a little help and have a history of very lightly flavoring their whiskies) but Crown is especially accessible. Smooth; clean; no burn… these are the terms generally uttered. The liquor snob will also say “short finish,” “lacking punch” or other snooty remarks but most people are quite happy with smooth.

Now… what about the prestige factor of the gift? It turns out there are several different expressions of Crown. Do you go with:

a)      The common Crown Royal in the purple bag at $25?

b)      The Crown Royal Reserve with the fancier box and the gold bag at $40?

c)       The Crown Royal XR (“Extra Rare”) in the velvet presentation box and the individually embroidered bag at $140?

We would never comment on your ability to pay in these troubled financial times… but Ladies, this is Father’s Day and it’s no time to get weak-kneed. After all, the men-folk face these same problems when buying flowers and jewelry… the price is part of the gift.

To help ease your anxiety in laying out real cash when purchasing your whisky, we executed a vertical tasting (going through each of the above 3 whiskies) to try and assist in your decision. We’ll rate these whiskies on the following criteria: will he know that you love him; will other people know you<

With that in mind, here is a handy (and hopefully printable) purchasing guide for Crown Royal on Father’s Day.

	Is he thankful?	Are others envious?	Did it taste Good?	Mix with Coke?
Crown Royal ~$20 A nice, pleasant whisky but not a standout	No, not really. It’s a decent enough whisky—for a wedding reception or similar—but a better reward for mowing the lawn than Father’s Day.	Well, no. It’s more prestigious than your bottom shelf stuff… but $20 doesn’t exactly scream “Sugar Mama!”	Chances are it’s as familiar tasting as meatloaf… and he’ll be about that appreciative.	Sure… actually a pretty good mix.
Crown Royal Reserve ~$40 Deliciously smooth, sweet, and a touch spicy.	Very! This is really great stuff and appropriate for special occasions. At 2x and 3x the price, it’s quite legitimately 2x and 3x better.	Yes, especially after they realize what it is. Knowing that this is Reserve and made from less than 2% of all barrels personally selected by a human being, how could they not?	One of the most approachable whiskies on the planet. It’s so smooth and approachable, it might actually be the world’s greatest Mother’s Day whisky.	Christ, no. Maybe an Old Fashioned or similar but don’t let it near coke or any other corn-syrup ridden mixture.
Crown Royal XR ~$120 Excellent, sweet, and just a hint of complexity—opens up tremendously with a touch of ice.	Hell yeah! No matter what it tastes like, you just bought something for him that’s worth one-half of a pair of your shoes. He’s so happy he’s doing the dishes and vacuuming.	Quite so. They’ve probably heard of the XR, seen it at the top of the bar shelf looking forbiddingly down at them from its $30/glass price tag, and generally wonder why they couldn’t get such a good woman.	While it may not have the complexity to go mano-a-mano with heavier single-malts, it is the world’s most perfect gift for the guy who doesn’t drink all that much but wants something good.	If your man puts coke in this whisky, take the kids, take the checkbook, and walk out the door. You can do better.

 

Our best wishes to all fathers and their families this summer of 2012 and beyond… Cheers!

Nerd alert: the Crown Royal XR referred to here is the new 2012 edition produced at the LaSalle Distillery in Canada… prior editions of the XR were comprised of the remaining stocks of the Waterloo Distillery before its untimely destruction. We guess those former bottles will quickly become a considerable collector’s item so pay attention to the year lest those precious drams find themselves inadvertently mixed in cola.